We Were Never Here

Throughout the entire novel, Emily wrestles to understand how much guilt she and Kristen bear for their own assaults. Like many contemporary women, she has absorbed the idea that perpetrators of assaults should be held accountable for their actions, not the victims of those assaults; but familiarity with this idea and emotional acceptance of it are two different things. She knows that she disregarded safety tips so frequently given to female travelers, so she struggles with self-blame. Because she did not take safety precautions she knew to be helpful, she wonders how she could not be responsible for the assault.

This theme is reflected in an incident Emily remembers from her childhood, in which her father punished her. She was singing a song over and over when suddenly her father scooped her off the stairs and spanked her. The incident stays with her into adulthood because of her visceral memory of not understanding what she had done wrong. As an adult, she realizes her only sin was annoying her father, but knowing she did not actually misbehave does not dispel her guilty feeling; she is still filled with “steamy shame” (124) when she recalls the incident during a therapy session. Similarly involuntary are her feelings of shame over her sexual assault, a physical and emotional response align with neither her values nor what she would say to anyone in a similar position.