The Sand Child

Exhausted by his self-imposed exile, Ahmed resolves to leave his quarters as an act of rebirth—or return to his original self. Rather than obsess over arranging his affairs, he finds refuge in his mounting sense of joy, removing the binding fabric from his chest, masturbating until he feels “violent sensations, like electrical shocks” (84), and grabbing only some money and his manuscript before taking to the streets.

Ahmed first encounters an old rag-clad vagabond/witch who corners him in an alleyway to inquire about his identity and gender, asking specifically what he is hiding under his jellaba. Met with his dumbstruck silence, the woman pushes harder, forcing him to articulate his lack of certainty given that he is just emerging from a labyrinth. The “witch” presses him to show his body, which he qualifies as wounded and scarred. At his hesitation, she rips off his jellaba and proceeds to suckle his small breasts; despite his momentary guilty pleasure, he pushes her away and runs off.

Taking refuge in a luxurious hotel for a night, Ahmed is haunted by the woman’s “almost black face” (86), which he senses belongs to his childhood. Beginning to touch himself in bed, Ahmed makes his way to the mirror, where he initiates what will become a repeated event: gazing at himself while caressing his body and writing before or after the sessions.