The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

Domestic homicides are the most predictable and preventable of murders. There are always available PINs, as people in a would-be victim’s life are often aware of their experiences in advance of a murder. Spousal homicide is often called a “crime of passion,” but de Becker argues this is a strategic courtroom defense. Most men who kill the object of their former affection are in control of themselves during their murder. For example, de Becker writes that O.J. Simpson had been slowly killing his ex-wife Nicole Brown for years, and finally succeeded on the night she bled to death on the steps of her home.

Though many women are killed while sharing a household with their abuser, they statistically become most vulnerable after they leave, as escape escalates stalking and potential for violence. De Becker declares the first time a person is hit, they are a victim, and every time thereafter, they are a volunteer. This emphasis is not to suggest complicity, but to empower women to recognize staying and leaving as choices—with escape being possible. De Becker declares women need comprehensive, informed support to ensure safety after leaving. Thus, he is critical of the go-to recommendation to acquire a restraining order against an abuser.