The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom

Ruiz begins Chapter 3 by examining personal importance and how it negatively impacts everyone’s lives. He considers personal importance the ultimate expression of selfishness because one believes that everything is about them. He notes that people live in their own mind, which is a completely different world than those of others. When people take things personally, they assume that someone else understands their internal world and try to impose it onto someone else.

What people say or do comes directly from their agreements with themselves—and has nothing to do with anyone else. Everyone can choose whether to take the negative behaviors of others personally. When they do, they accept that emotional poison and allow it to infiltrate their minds and bodies, and they feel offended. Offense leads people to defend their beliefs and creates conflict. This too reflects their internal agreements.

Ruiz uses a personal anecdote to convey how he no longer takes things personally. He realizes that people will praise him when they’re happy with themselves. When they’re unhappy, they’ll criticize him. He doesn’t take these comments personally because he knows that whatever someone feels is their own personal problem.