Nightcrawling

Content Warning: This section of the guide includes references to sexual abuse, sex trafficking, rape, violence, racism, addiction, police brutality, child abuse and neglect, and suicide.

“Funeral day is a reckoning, when we mimic thieves and really just find excuses for our tears, then light up, eat until we have never felt fuller, and find somewhere to dance. Funeral day is the culmination of all our past selves, when we hold our own memorials for people we never buried right. The funeral always ends, though, and we all gotta get back to the hustle, so I breathe in one last whiff of this room, and get up.”

While in a literal sense, “funeral days” are an opportunity for Kiara and Alé to steal food and clothing, the practice also takes on metaphorical significance. In “finding excuses for our tears,” Kiara suggests that as the girls pretend to be mourners for strangers, they reflect, instead, on those who have either actually died (such as Kiara’s father) or symbolically died (such as Kiara’s mother and Alé’s missing sister). “Funeral days” are respite from daily life and a momentary escape in which they are permitted to focus on their sadness and pain, rather than stifling it.

“Mama used to tell me that blood is everything, but I think we’re all out here unlearning that sentiment, scraping our knees and asking strangers to patch us back up. I don’t say goodbye to Shauna and she doesn’t even turn around to watch me leave, to head back out into a sky that sunk into deep blue while my brother asked me to do the one thing I know I shouldn’t, the one thing Shauna cared enough to warn me about: hollow myself out for another person who ain’t gonna give a shit when I’m empty.”

Throughout the novel, Kiara is conflicted as to whether to support Marcus financially—essentially enabling him to live irresponsibly, pursuing a dream unlikely to prove successful. Here Kiara speaks of being taken advantage of, of sacrificing herself for another who will inevitably do nothing for her in return. This will prove to be the case for Kiara in many of her relationships.

“The flying moments solidify inside my rib cage like a photo album in the body. Trevor and I sweltering, jumping, always close to the sky. Alé and her weed, that smile quick, Sunday Shoes, funeral day. For these moments, I forget my body is a currency and none of the things I did last night make any sense at all. Trevor’s body, the way it fills up with air and releases, reminds me how sacred it is to be young. These moments when all I want is to have my mama hum me a lullaby I will only remember in dreamland.”

Here Kiara enjoys a moment of respite from the stress of her life as she plays basketball with Trevor. The amount of joy the simple activity brings to Trevor successfully distracts them both—albeit temporarily—from how challenging their lives are.