Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s

Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s by John Elder Robison is a personal memoir published in 2007. Like Temple Grandin’s Thinking in Pictures: My Life with Autism and Daniel Tammet’s Born on a Blue Day, Robison’s memoir is a personal account of living with autism spectrum disorder. A New York Times best-seller, the book has subsequently been translated into French, Italian, Portuguese, and German.

Look Me in the Eye details Robison’s life growing up with Asperger’s syndrome before the condition was officially recognized by the psychiatric community. Robison divides his childhood between his grandparents’ farm in Georgia and his home in Massachusetts. His earliest memories are of his inability to make friends and feeling isolated. While his unorthodox behavior makes perfect sense to him, he quickly discovers by the reactions of his peers that poking a girl with a stick, for example, is not the socially acceptable way of making introductions. As he ages but remains unable to read the social cues of schoolmates and neighbors, they shun him, and he withdraws from social contact.

In addition to his Asperger’s, his home life is dangerously unstable. His father, a philosophy professor at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, drinks heavily and is physically and emotionally abusive. His mother, over time, exhibits signs of mental illness. His parents fight constantly. Living under these turbulent conditions isolates Robison from the outside world and robs him of vital parental nurturing. He is often left to fend for himself, and he spends his time roaming the woods behind his house unsupervised. The lack of adult supervision gets him into trouble but also makes him remarkably independent and self-sufficient. He is a voracious reader and develops an interest in machinery and electronics.

Though his Asperger’s makes personal interactions difficult, it gives his mind an intense focus and a savant-like understanding of abstract ideas. This allows him to study electronics at an advanced level, and he begins to fix appliances around the house and at school. His ability to learn independently, however, makes him a bored and restless student. He eventually drops out of high school, although not before meeting a fellow “damaged” student named Mary Trompke (whom he calls Little Bear). They develop a friendship and eventually start dating.

His aptitude with electronics leads him to the music world, and he modifies amplifiers for local musicians. His uncanny ability to envision sounds and design the corresponding electronics gives him a reputation in the local music scene. He is then hired to repair musical equipment for a large supply company called Britro. His job with Britro leads to a job as an engineer with the rock band KISS. He builds custom guitars for KISS lead guitarist Ace Frehley and tours the country with the band.

After growing tired of the rock-and-roll lifestyle—the alcohol, the drugs, the casual sex, and the inconsistent paycheck—Robison seeks regular employment. He initially goes into business with his friend Jim Boughton designing sound and lighting systems for music clubs, but he’s still confronted with aspects of the music business he sought to leave behind. Additionally, he and Little Bear are now married. She is a student, and he is the sole breadwinner. Realizing he needs more steady work, he enters the corporate world, designing electronic toys for Milton Bradley. His creativity and problem-solving ability earn him respect and, eventually, a promotion. He enjoys the new status, but as a manager, his people skills take precedence over his engineering skills, and he is ill-equipped to deal with his new responsibilities.

The stress of work and his inability to effectively communicate with his staff take their toll on his marriage. While he and Little Bear eventually divorce, they first have a son named Jack (nicknamed Cubby). Robison enjoys fatherhood, cultivating his son’s interest in trains, math, and things that explode, and he resolves to become the responsible father he never had. He also leaves the corporate world and starts his own automotive repair business.

When he is 40, Robison finally receives an official diagnosis of Asperger’s syndrome. Understanding the neurological condition underlying all of his behavior gives him a fresh perspective on both his past and his present. He learns to read social cues, to communicate better, and to appreciate his unique differences. He remarries and carves out a new life with his son and second wife, Martha. His father dies in 2005, but Robison finds closure after recalling many fond memories from his childhood.