I'm Glad My Mom Died

Eating disorders are characterized by the compulsion to control calorie intake and body weight, but these behaviors are often driven by the unconscious desire to control many complex aspects of one’s internal and external existence. When Jennette first is introduced to calorie restriction by her mother, she sees it as a tool for avoiding the physical development that comes with puberty, development that she fears will alienate her from her mother. While Jennette says that she does not want to grow breasts or have her body mature in a way that could stunt her career, it also appears to be an aversion to what puberty signifies: growing up and its associated independence. Throughout the memoir, Jennette traces how her disordered eating reflects her desire to feel stable and in control of her own body and career.

The monitoring of Jennette’s body is also a means of control used by Jennette’s mother. From the time that Jennette asks how she can stop physically developing, her mother seems relieved and even proud that she is seeking unhealthy, false solutions to natural maturation. While the two of them grow closer through their mutual obsession with caloric intake, Jennette’s mother expands her control over her daughter: “Calorie restriction has brought me and Mom closer than we already were, which is really saying something because we were already so close.