Getting to Yes

“Conflict remains, as we have noted, a growth industry. Indeed, the advent of the negotiation revolution has brought more conflict, not less. Hierarchies tend to bottle up conflict, which comes out into the open as hierarchies give way to networks.”

The modern world is less hierarchical, and more crowded and diverse than ever. Tension arises over all sorts of issues, and complex conflicts, from family disputes to business contracts to nuclear disarmament, erupt everywhere. Today, the old techniques of intimidation and compromise don’t work well; instead, a more collaborative approach is needed.

“Any method of negotiation may be fairly judged by three criteria: It should produce a wise agreement if agreement is possible. It should be efficient. And it should improve or at least not damage the relationship between the parties. (A wise agreement can be defined as one that meets the legitimate interests of each side to the extent possible, resolves conflicting interests fairly, is durable, and takes community interests into account.)”

The authors set forth the three minimum requirements for a successful negotiation. The section in parentheses further defines requirements: A deal won’t work unless both sides are reasonably happy, don’t feel cheated, and can present the agreement successfully to their people. Above all, a wise agreement produces good results for both sides, not just one or the other.

“Each side tries through sheer willpower to force the other to change its position. ‘I’m not going to give in. If you want to go to the movies with me, it’s Avatar or nothing.’ Anger and resentment often result as one side sees itself bending to the rigid will of the other while its own legitimate concerns go unaddressed.”

Positional bargaining, where each party takes a stand and defies the other to make them budge, not only fails to address everyone’s needs—it makes everything worse. Standing tall may seem like the righteous way to win, but the acrimonious result is a destructive way to settle conflicts. The authors, in using the contemporary example of the film Avatar, aim to make their text relatable.