Dinners With Ruth

The author reflects on meeting her first husband, Floyd Haskell, who at the time was a senator, describing him as “very handsome and quite charming” (63). Twenty-six years her senior, and not Jewish, Totenberg admits that he was not the type of person she had expected to marry. A World War II veteran, Floyd had been a Republican but crossed the aisle and became a Democrat, partly due to his stance against the Vietnam War. After a rocky start, Totenberg grew to love Floyd; she respected his commitment to his principles and felt that he was a “gentle soul” and her “protector” (65). Floyd proposed, and despite her reluctance about their age difference, Totenberg agreed. She decided to keep her last name, as she considered the societal expectation to change it unfair, and she also realized that she was not prepared to sacrifice her career in order to become a parent. While Totenberg describes her marriage as loving, she also recalls how their different expectations about her schedule created friction between her and Floyd. They consulted a therapist who helped them learn to compromise, and Totenberg shares that both she and Floyd had to learn to be better partners for each other in their first years of marriage.