Breaking Night: A Memoir of Forgiveness, Survival, and My Journey from Homeless to Harvard

“The first of the month, the day Ma’s stipend from welfare was due, held all the ritual and celebration of Christmas morning.”

Liz’s statement here shows how much her family relied upon that stipend. Holidays are a time to be joyful with family, and to feast. For children who celebrate Christmas, presents are the most exciting part. For Jeanie and Peter, who are addicted to coke, the ability to chase another high is met with the same anticipation.

“That was the summer of 1985, just before school, and the last time I can remember the four of us being so close, and happy. Before then, whatever went on in our household, I simply had nothing to compare it to. I had no idea how different we could be from other people.”

When Liz writes this, she acknowledges that there’s a potential for isolation in her life that she wasn’t aware of until she went to school.

“While Ma spoke, I abandoned my needs—sleep, homework, television, and my toys, unused in my darkened bedroom. Her pain blanketed me in its urgency, so that it became difficult to realize that there was any distance—age-wise or responsibility-wise—between us.”

Liz puts everything aside to help her mother because she knows her mother needs help and because her mother’s pain feels more urgent than her own needs. This is one of many occasions in Breaking Night when Liz stresses the urgency of a need. Usually, that need refers to a means of physical survival, such as food. But helping her mother, and connecting with her mother, becomes a pathway for emotional survival for Liz and therefore trumps other urgent needs.