Before I Let Go

Before I Let Go is a 2022 romance novel by Kennedy Ryan. Ryan’s work is well known in the genre for her focus on social and political issues as well as on emotionally satisfying love stories. Her 2016 novel, Long Shot, received a RITA award from the Romance Writers of America, making her the first Black winner in the award’s history. The award has since been renamed the Vivian, after Vivian Stephens, RWA’s founder. Stephens championed some of the first romance novels featuring Black women and women of color during her career at Harlequin.

The in-text citations throughout this guide refer to the 2022 Kindle edition’s location numbers.

This guide contains extensive spoilers for the plot of Before I Let Go and reveals key story aspects sooner than they appear in the text.

Content Warning: This work includes discussion of child loss, stillbirth, and pregnancy complications. Other sensitive topics include depression and suicidal ideation.

Plot Summary

The prologue, which opens more than a decade in the past, introduces Yasmen and Josiah Wade, a young Black couple who are in love. Josiah surprises Yasmen with a marriage proposal even though he hasn’t finished school.

All subsequent chapters take place more than 15 years later and are told from the couple’s alternating perspectives. Yasmen and Josiah, now divorced due to recent family tragedies and Yasmen’s experiences with profound depression, co-own a thriving restaurant, Grits, in Atlanta’s Skyland neighborhood. They are parents to 10-year-old Kassim and 13-year-old Deja. As she drops her children off with Josiah at the restaurant, Yasmen nearly has a panic attack. After a fall at the restaurant in her eighth month of pregnancy with their son Henry, she experienced placental abruption, and he was stillborn. Henry died just weeks after Josiah’s beloved aunt Byrd, the restaurant’s former chef. Yasmen privately admits during dinner with her best friends, Soledad Barnes and Hendrix Barry, that she misses Josiah and remains attracted to him.

Yasmen returns home from dinner to see Josiah and the restaurant’s current chef, Vashti Burns, playing board games with their children. She realizes Josiah and Vashti are a couple and is filled with jealousy. Josiah resents her reaction, since she asked for the divorce. Yasmen has a professional triumph at Skyland’s food-truck festival, resuming her role in the local business association. Josiah requests a song for Yasmen and her friends but leaves with Vashti.

Josiah reveals that he struggles with unexpressed grief when his neighbors offer to let him hold their baby and Yasmen notices. Josiah struggles with Yasmen’s concerns about Deja. Josiah eventually faces that Deja is extremely angry at Yasmen, telling his daughter to understand the depth of her mother’s losses. Yasmen reminds herself often that she asked for the divorce and it is wrong to resent Josiah’s attempts to find a new partner.

At another business event, Yasmen accepts the offer of a date from prominent real estate developer Mark Lancaster. Yasmen and Josiah learn not only that Kassim may need more academic challenges but also that his teacher is concerned by his preoccupation with death and loss. This raises the topic of therapy, which Josiah reluctantly agrees to support. At a family meeting, Josiah shocks Yasmen by promising Kassim that if he sees a therapist, Josiah will too.

Josiah is hostile and recalcitrant in therapy, but he finally tells his therapist about his love for his aunt Byrd, who raised him after he was orphaned. He admits Yasmen asked for the divorce, not him. A flashback chapter reveals the deep fractures between the couple: Josiah’s inability to face his emotions or tell Yasmen the business was struggling. Yasmen’s desire for another baby despite the risks to her health. Josiah became so angry he destroyed a mural in Henry’s room. Yasmen finally asked for the divorce, admitting she could no longer find their emotional bond in all her pain.

Yasmen, struggling to be patient with Deja’s emotional distance, continues her own therapy. When Kassim leaves a school project at Josiah’s house, Yasmen accidentally encounters Vashti and realizes her relationship with Josiah has grown more serious. Grieving and angry, Yasmen goes on her first date with Mark. It’s pleasant but does little to dislodge Yasmen’s persistent thoughts of Josiah, who is deeply jealous when he sees Mark kiss Yasmen.

After a tense and sexually charged encounter in their office, Yasmen and Josiah fight their feelings and discuss a new business opportunity. They may be able to open a second restaurant near Charlotte, North Carolina, though this expansion means they must travel there together. Yasmen and Josiah spend an emotional Thanksgiving together. Kassim expresses gratitude for therapy, and Yasmen makes Aunt Byrd’s stuffing. Afterward, Josiah realizes he cannot stay with Vashti due to his lingering attachment to Yasmen, so he ends the relationship.

In Charlotte, Yasmen and Josiah tour the restaurant. They find they are booked into a single hotel room and spend the night talking about their losses. Josiah admits therapy is helping him. They spend a passionate night together, agreeing it will only be once. On their return, Yasmen breaks up with Mark.

On New Year’s Eve, Yasmen and Josiah nearly kiss. She sees him embrace Vashti as well, and hurls some of her jewelry into the Skyland fountain as a commitment to moving on. She instantly regrets the gesture and resolves that in the new year she will take a second chance with him if it comes. With the help of her therapist, Yasmen forgives herself for ending her marriage at the depth of her depression.

After Deja’s 14th birthday party, Yasmen and Josiah have passionate sex. Yasmen and Josiah agree to see each other secretly and without involving their children for now. Josiah is still drawn to Yasmen but refuses to consider reconciliation because he fears she will reject him again in a future conflict. Clearly still drawn to one another, they agree to be exclusive.

During one particularly intimate morning, Josiah reveals he can be more communicative about his emotions when he openly discusses Henry. Deja finds them in their bedroom together and admits the source of her anger: She knows Yasmen asked for the divorce and Josiah fought it. Yasmen tells her daughter that her depression drove her to decisions she now regrets, and she asks Deja for a chance to repair. Deja accepts.

On a snow day with her children, Yasmen rushes out for a pregnancy test, as her period is late. She realizes that she wants Josiah to return to her and live in the family home again. Josiah returns home from a trip to Charlotte. He is overjoyed to see Yasmen but angry and frightened when she suggests reconciliation. With the help of his therapist, Josiah begins to address his trauma and realizes that his love for Yasmen is worth the risk of pain and loss. Josiah and Yasmen tell their children they have reconciled.

Two years later, Yasmen and Josiah celebrate New Year’s Eve once more, with support from their friends. Josiah proposes to Yasmen, and she accepts, marking the final chapter in their journey back to one another.